When Child Visitation Goes BAD: Should I Have Her Arrested?

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Comment by NAKISHA BUCKSON on March 2, 2011 at 8:13pm

MY DAUGHTER 10 WHEN SHE ON LINE I AM THERE WITH  TO SEE WHAT SHE DOING I GIVE HER SPACE  SHE HAVE HER OWN COMPUTER TO SO SHE CAN TALK TO HER FATHER  I THINK THAT FATHER SHOULD BE IN IT CHILD LIFE EVEN WHEN THE TO ARE NOT IN EACH OTHER LIFE I CAN RELATE TO WHAT U ARE GOING THOUGHT  I AM GETTING MARRY SOME AND HE IS A GOOD MAN AND  ALL BUT WHEN IT COME TO MY CHILD HE DO NOT HAVE NO SAY ON WHAT I WANT FOR MY CHILD HAVE HE CAN GIVE HIS INPUT BUT THAT DO NOT MEAN I HAVE TO LISTING AND IF U GOT IT FOR HER SHE SHOULD GIVE IT BACK IT IS MORE THAN RIGHT U GIVE IT TO YOUR CHILD NOT HER IT LOOK LIKE THEY WANTED IT FOR THERE SELF  ALL SHE HAVE TO DO IS TELL NEVER GO ON LINE WHEN MOM NOT AT HOME THAT WOULD BE WAY SHE CAN LOOK OVER HER AND MAKE SURE SHE GOOD. GOD DON'T LIKE UGLY SHE GET HERS

Comment by Phillicia Humes on February 22, 2011 at 8:14am

I don't think you should necessarily issue a warrant for her arrest....BUT you could file a Writ Of Possession and take her to court to retrieve your property. That just gives you a court date and then you go before a judge and plead your case.  If you have a receipt and the story is as you stated, then you will be able to walk out of court with your laptop.  Of course, that means more money out of your pocket to file the Writ Of Possession, but it settles thing civily and with class.   Don't keep arguing over petty stuff.  Do what's right and when you do what's right, the right things will happen. Even when temporarily something wrong happens to you, know that you may have to give up a few battles in order to win the war!  Vengeance is the Lord's, not our's to try and get, but His and He will repay and a debt to Him is far greater than any debt to a man/woman, so let her pay the debt that undoubtedly she can't even begin to pay/handle!  God's speed!

Comment by DJ FREEZE on February 22, 2011 at 6:14am

Damn dude, she is trying to take you down thru there huh? Having gone through similar situations to include court with my ex, sometimes it may feel like a no win situation no matter what you do. Pray to get you through these dark moments bro. In the end it has a strange way of working itself out. I know that by now your daughter has a pretty good idea of who you are as a person. Although nobody likes to be bullied, disrespected, or talked about in a negative light in front of their children, ex's tend to do that very thing out of whatever deep seeded hurt that they may feel. Trust me when I tell you, it can go on for years and when it gets like that it's never about who was right or wrong. It's just about the pain that the ex can't let go of so they lash out and attack you on anything that will get a reaction from you. Right now it is your daughter and as painful as that might be to you right now, "this too shall pass". Your daughter will one day grow up to realize her own truths. God willing you will be there to resume that relationship on your own terms because she will be of age to make her own decisions. And your ex-wife will have nothing else to hold on to but the bitterness that she can't let go of. When that happens brother, a laptop computer won't matter in the bigger picture. Side note- if the "new" husband falls into that kind of manipulation, it will be only a matter of time before the bitterness she feels toward you will begin to consume that relationship as well. So hang in there brother, besides having her arrested and put in handcuffs is nothing compared to the shackles that have been placed on her heart because she no longer has you. Her days will be a lot darker than yours. CHURCH!

Comment by EBONYQUEEN on February 21, 2011 at 8:17pm

ASK GOD..HE WILL LEAD AND GUIDE YOU. THATS SO SELFISH OF HER. GOD DON'T LIKE UGLY AND IF YOU HAVE TOO FILE THE WARRANT, JUST EXPLAIN TO YOUR DAUGHTER THAT YOU LOVE HER AND  WANT TOO BE IN HER LIFE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. EXPLAIN THAT THEY ARE TRYING WITH ALL THEIR MITE TO BLOCK THAT. BE HONEST WITH HER. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO WITHIN THE LAW TO STAY IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S LIFE. I'M A WOMAN, AND IT'S SAD TO SAY THAT WOMEN USE KIDS AS PAWNS ALL THE TIME AND THEY USE THE SYSTEM TO DO IT...SO SO SO SAD. MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER KENNY...GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!

Comment by Pamela on February 21, 2011 at 6:22pm

Carolyn, yes! that's what I was trying to think of--small claims court.

Comment by Carolyn McCain-Davis on February 21, 2011 at 6:10pm

Kenny - Take her to small claim court, that way your daughter isn't traumatized by an arrest and it gives you the mediation that you need. Which keeps down the drama a little bit. For the sake of your child, you too have to find a way to work it out. She doesn't need this every time you have a visit. AND PRAY, PRAY and ask God for guidance. We can all tell you whatever, but HE is the man with the answer and serenity.....
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen. --Reinhold Niebuhr

Comment by Pamela on February 21, 2011 at 5:25pm

Kenny, I wasn't saying have your ex arrested b/c she'd do it to you. The point I was making is that she would not agonize over her decision to have you arrested. This is not an easy decision b/c you don't want to add any mental anguish to your daughter. There's nothing wrong w/prayer; however, sometimes when you get through praying, you have to take action. Pray about the best way to pursue this matter, check out all your legal options and then go forward with what is going to work best. Sometimes you have to take a stand.  No matter what you do, your ex will try to twist the situation to her favor. My parents argued like a mongoose and cobra and for years, my mother had me convinced that my dad was an awful person. Rest assured that your daughter will figure this out - children always do, and it will not change her love for you. Sometimes as parents, we think some situations are over their head, and they end up surprising us with their level of understanding!  

Comment by Alesia Kay Johnson on February 21, 2011 at 3:48pm

I applaud your strength and courage in front of your daughter. Regardless of what you decide to do remember that you're a man with integrity and character. Seek legal counsel and pray before making any decisions. Emotional decisions are not wise in dealing with an ex. Your daughter loves you. Her father is the first man in her life. Please remember that because your decisions concerning this situation will impact her future. No matter the comments and/or statements made in front of your daughter, its her strength of character she should receive from you.

Comment by lakesha vanlier on February 21, 2011 at 2:58pm

i think you have to realize what's important here.  tick for tack isn't the answer.  LET THE MOTHER KEEP IT!!!!  tell her she can have it... if you send her to jail on the job, your daughter will still have to deal with it.  be bigger on every end...but fight for seeing your child.  PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!  I promise GOD will step in RIGHT ON TIME!!  keep it legal, but protect your daughter as much as possible.  Her relationship with YOU is so much more important than the belongings that her mother may have.  The child will grow up.... she will ask questions.  You will have to be real with her.  SHE WILL HAVE HER OWN feelings about things.  GET ON YOUR KNEES!! STAY ON YOUR KNEES.....  and keep LOOKING TO THE HEAVENLY FATHER FOR YOUR SOURCE OF STRENGTH!!!  The mother has remarried and still acting crazy, believe me she is NOT HAPPY there and she wants to keep you in HER unhappiness.  KEEP SMILING AND STAY STRONG....

 

Comment by Pamela on February 21, 2011 at 2:47pm

Unfortunately, your daughter is already traumatized by the antics of your ex. There's no telling what she says about you in front of your daughter. Using the excuse of they don't want her on the internet is just that: an excuse. There's a way to teach a child the boundaries of any thing, and these days, they need to know how to use the internet.

Also, all children need the security of knowing they can communicate w/mom or dad at any time and your ex has removed that right from your daughter and you. What your ex does not realize is that she is building a foundation for your daughter to end up alienating her, instead of you. By all means, have her arrested -- on her job since you don't want your daughter to see it. She has taken property that is not hers and refuses to return it. Besides, she told you to do it.  You better believe if the shoe was on the other foot, your ex would call channels 2,4,5, & 17 to video the arrest.  Sadly, I do not believe your ex truly has your daughter's best interest at heart. If she did, she would not behave in such a way. What sane woman keeps her children from their father?  There are too many single mothers who cry b/c of their child's absentee father. You are an active father, and your ex blocks you on every turn. Her actions are about her problems w/herself...maybe she's still in love w/you. She's remarried but not for the right reasons.  With a new husband, all the hate and hostility toward you should be gone, but sounds like the new husband is too stupid to see this.  Pray about the best way to pursue this, but by all means, pursue it. 

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