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RELATIONSHIP HELP: (Please answer intelligently! Don't if you're too young to understand the situation...)
I'm writing to you in the hopes that you can tell me how to handle a situation with my boyfriend. Jeremy and I have been dating for about 3 months and I think I'm falling in love with him.
He's the smartest, sweetest guy in the whole world and I think I'd be happy if I spent the rest of my life with him.
The only problem is this: He comes from a pretty religious and conservative family who looks down on sex before marriage. Jeremy is really good at a lot of "stuff" -- but he has never gone all the way. (We're 23, by the way.) And though he knows I'm not a virgin and is OK with that, he has no idea what my "number" is. I think he assumes I've only been with one other guy ... maybe two. But the truth is I've been with around 12 guys and I think it would kill him to hear this.
We're starting to get pretty serious about each other and I don't want to feel like I'm lying to him. We're honest about everything else and I don't want this one thing hanging over my head ... but I also don't want to lose him.
So what should I do? Should I come clean about my past and hope for the best? Should I ignore it and hope it never comes up? Should I flat out lie to him about it?
I appreciate any help you can give me.
Sincerely,
Pam
Comment
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Comment by james w ford sr on March 22, 2011 at 6:42am
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If he is as in
to you as you are into him be honest if asked!
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True Confidence comes in knowing who you are as a WOMAN. God's word clearly states that we are "NEW" in CHRIST and that OLD things have passed away. Please don't allow your PAST to dictate your FUTURE. It doesn't matter what's in your past if you truly LOVE who you are NOW and have LET GO of who you USE to be. Continue to take time to get to know Jeremy and ALLOW God to lead you in the right direction, Regardless of his religious background, God's word doesn't change. If we all confessed our past, then HOW could God use any of us for HIS glory.
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Comment by alice johnson on March 21, 2011 at 3:52pm
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it IS a lot of people for your age. but what's done is done, i was told to never give a high number, maybe half, not tellin u to do that, it's up to you. i'm an honesty freak, so i would probably tell a near accurate number (best to my memory) if it came up, but i think you're putting too much into it. if this isn't something that comes up every day all day, then go on about your day. if you're an honest person, when or if it does come up and y'all don't have problems that are ridiculous and based on scandalous behavior, you should be able to discuss it and go on with living life.
quit stressin'
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Pam,
Don't lie about it!! If the question comes up, be honets about it. Don't try the line "well that's my past and I believe that it should stay there because none of those guys matter." That just makes it look even sketchier. If he accepts the fact that you are not a virgin then he should be able to accept how people you have been with. Some will say that's a lot of people for someone so young but at the same time I don't see any thing wrong with it. experience is a good thing so long as you aren't throwing it at every Tom Dick and Harry. Anyway, back to the point. If and when it does come up, hopefully he says "okay," and keeps it moving. He shouldn't assume the number of people that you have been with. Hopefully this will stay between you and him. The relationship involves you and him, not you, him and his parents or family. As an adult he shouldn't let his family influence his relationship. It's really and truly none of their business. Anyway, I could go on for days about this matter. I hope that everything works out for you two.
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