BITTER BLACK WOMAN WALKING

I was doing some internet reading and I came across a piece written by Sis. Nojma Muhammad. She has a very interesting take on the subject matter below. Take a minute to hear what she's talking about & see if you find this piece as interesting as I did. She has a facebook page too where she addresses similar topics to enlighten & uplift both women and men. Check her out.


Bitter Woman Walking.
Sisters, are we not tired of the “Angry Black Woman Tour”? I mean we have sold out venues in less than 17 seconds, we’ve toured all over the country , we’ve sold t-shirts & bumper stickers, we have picked up guest speakers along the way, we’ve renewed our subscriptions to “Angry Black Woman” magazine and for what? To still be angry and bitter? We huddle up with our girlfriends and trade horror stories about the Black men in our lives, and no one poses the question “what did you do in the relationship?”, because clearly to ask a woman what her contributions were in a failed relationship is to start a war.
When did the man become “no good”? Was it AFTER you slept with him, WITHOUT the security of marriage, and then he told you he didn’t want to be with you? Did he become no good AFTER you CONTINUED to sleep with him, had his child thinking that would garner a marriage proposal, but of course it didn’t. Then all of SUDDEN he is a dog, then all Black Men become dogs now that you’re bitter and upset with HIM, but neglect to mention how you laid out the “kibbles and bits”.
So let me see if I got it. When Black women complain or speak out, or share our pain, we have a legitimate gripe, when Black men do it; they’re whining. Black women want Black men to be able to take the truth straight no chaser, but we as Black women need our hands held and back rubbed and a lot of ”whoopty whoop” when the truth is given to us. To encourage a Black man is to coddle him and Black women want to expose the “hidden” hate Black men have for Black women………but Black women don’t want to talk about the OBVIOUS hate we have for Black men. Sounds right?
Sisters, let’s be honest….well the few of us that can anyway. We make it hard on ourselves sometimes when it comes to the Black man. We break him, we emasculate him, we speak to him in a harsh tone, we tell him everything is all HIS fault, we talk about him in a negative manner in front of his children, we boast of our accomplishments while reminding him of his failures, we tell him we don’t need him because we are “independent”…..and after ALL that…….you wonder why Black men are running away from you, you wonder why you can’t or won’t be loved? It’s because you’re too busy HATING HIM, to truly love HIM or YOURSELF. We have the NERVE to ask “where all are the good men?” Well, brothers have right to ask “where are all the good WOMEN”?
Would YOU LOVE YOU if you had to deal with that? Would YOU want to be in a relationship with YOU? Then some of us get delusional and say that Black men are too weak & can’t handle a STRONG Black woman. Black men will be alone…….I don’t know if you’ve noticed…….but all the “I’m alone woes” come from BLACK WOMEN, not BLACK MEN. I’m just saying…look around, Black men have PLENTY of options, and many of us are dealing with the harsh reality that we are NOT one, yet we don’t want to look at the root of why we are no longer options.
We talk about the weight we bear as single mothers and how it’s so unfair, but what about all the weight we attempt to make the brothers bear regarding the Black family? How unfair is that? Never mind the issues surrounding WHY so many of us are single mothers to begin with. Having children by multiple men, only to expect the world of the last man? Could that be at least partially a result of poor judgment on OUR part ladies? I have a son and yes he will be taught to respect the womb, but his counterpart whoever she may be, her mother has to teach her the SAME THING. My daughters will know that it is THEIR womb and they have to honor and respect it before anyone else will. It’s called SELF respect for a REASON. If I don’t respect myself then how in the HELL can I expect anyone else too? I mean we place so much demand on the Black man its ridiculous. “Well the Black man should respect the Black woman regardless”. Really? Says who? And regardless of what? So if I am walking around with my behind out and the outline of my breast showing, I am supposed to expect a man to respect my mind, even though I am putting my body on display? That makes no sense! I don’t see the sacredness of my womb, but dammit Black man you better see it! It’s my womb but Black man even if I invite you inside; everything that takes place is YOUR fault. Our logic is beyond flawed. I’m running around reckless, making irresponsible choices with my life & my body while in ”search” of my knight in shinning armor. And should I be lucky enough to find him, treat him as if I’m the virtuous prize that he should be grateful to have? I don’t respect you, hate you, don’t love myself, but I have the nerve to talk about you not protecting me, and on top of that I am bucking righteous control and I don’t want to submit to you. ….. we have become like everyone else and just “Blame it on the Black Guy”
The daughters of our community need a voice, but what about our sons? We are neglecting the SONS of our community, and they are viewing our neglect as hate. When they become men who view us a certain way, then we get all up in arms. What about all these male bashing sites, what if our 10, 11, 12, 13,14, 15 and 16 year old sons read them? How would their view of Black Women be? Would they love us or hate us? Would what they read kill their desire to even be with a Black woman when they get older? Just as our daughters are watching…..so are our sons. In our bitterness, we are raising BOTH of them to hate Black women and we don’t even realize it.
Just think right now there is a woman that is molding her child in bitterness while she is in her womb. She will later teach her that my son is a dog and that he will fail her. She will tell her that my son is no good, that he will give her nothing but grief. So when she meets my son he will be met with hate instead of the love he seeks. As women we often make reference to men when they have daughters. We say things like “you have a daughter, would you want a man to treat her the same way you treat women?” Well Sisters that have sons……..would you want a woman to treat your son the same way you treat men? Do you want your son to bear the weight of all the pain caused by men he has never met or known? Do you want your son to deal with unjust bitterness and mistreatment? Just as fathers set the standard for their daughters, WE set the standard for our sons. If our sons hear us bash, complain and disrespect Black men while he is a young boy, what kind of BLACK MAN will he BECOME?
I don’t want my son to be the recipient of a young woman raised, formed and fashioned in her mother’s bitterness. I don’t want my son already labeled and packaged before he has a chance to even introduce himself. Now you want to talk issues, let’s talk about ALL of them, those caused by BOTH the Black man and Black woman, because until we can honestly address ALL the issues, we can’t move forward toward a REAL solution.

Amen, I say.... AMEN!