#bondlife 1

Ok so I broke one of the bonding rules.... I got a hoe out of jail last night. The way they got me went like this… 

Me: Bonding

Him: Hey Bro I need 2 get this gal out of jail.

Me: What’s the charge?

Him: Man, she forgot to go to court.

Me: Ok well let me check the computer & I’ll call you back.

Him: Ok.

Me: (Ten minutes later around 3:30 in the morning) Ok Bro we good it’s a fail to be booked for $1500.00 that’s $187.00 that needs to be paid 1st.

Him: Ok Kool.

Me: Well come on down (by now its 4:15 in the morning).

So the guy in a LOUD ASS Yellow suit comes down with a trashy ass, I mean a trashy ass white girl (I'm not prejudice but trashy is trashy) they both came in to fill out the paperwork and 'Yellow Suit Man’ begins making small talk…

Him: How you doing this fine evening?

Me: It’s not evening bro its 4o'clock in the morning.

Him: My fault sir I was just making small talk.

Me: Well I'm a little tired & I'm not up for that shit.

Him: Ok well damn tell me how you really feel.

Me: Man keep talking to me & I’ll show you how I really feel (I tend to get an attitude when I feel somebody is playing with me).

Him: Well let me hurry up & finish this so you can get some sleep.

Me: That would be great bro.

Him: What’s today’s date?

Me: August 2^nd.

Him: Damn, it’s August already.

Me: Na Bro what did you think came after July…July Jr.

Him: LOL you’re a funny guy.

 Me: No, I'm not funny, I’m just tired &you taking too long to write a phone number down.  

Him: Ok here you go!

Me: Thanks, now where is the money?

Him: Oh, my bad here you go 187.00.

Me: Are you serious? You’re gonna give me 187.00 in 1.00 bills!

Him: Hey man it’s been a slow night.

Me: Whatever Man, I’ll call you when she get out (It is now 5am).

This is where it gets interesting…The "Client" walks out of jail in a LOUD PINK Bra, Jogging Pants & Heels talking cash shit…

Her: Fuck Y'all this some Bullshit!

Me: Hey are you Mrs. Taylor? (I already know the answer to this question)

Her: Yes, who the fuck is you?

Me: I’m you MuthaPhukkin Bondsman, That’s who the fuck I am, now Walk Yo Ass Down this Street so we can go to the office! (By Now I'm tired, frustrated & pissed)

Her: Yes Daddy.

Me: What the Fuck is this daddy SHIT My name is WIZ, the sooner you remember that the better you will be. (I may be slow but I've seen THE MACK enough times to know… “She A Hoe”!)

Her: OK…OK Damn!

Me: So what happened?

Her: I was minding my own business walking down Murfreesboro Rd. when a cop came up 2 me asking me crazy ass questions.

Me: Like what?

Her: Like what am I doing out here at 1:00 in the morning walking by these hotels talking to random people in cars.

Me: Well…

Her: I said they my Facebook Friends

Me: Facebook Friends?

Her: Yeah

Me: For the record I would have arrested you for being a SMART ASS.

Her: I guess because that’s when they took my license, ran my name, and told me I had a charge and here I am.

Well there you have it…By now we are back at the office where Mr. Yellow Suit Man & Mrs. Trashy Ass are waiting…

Me: Hey man here is yo "Gal".

Him: Thank You brother

Me: Who is she? (I'm playing dumb by this point)

Him: It’s my "Daughter".

Me: Really (blank stare), so let me guess is that gal with you her mother

Him: Yep

Me: Look… be honest with me, cuz I'm getting ready to be honest with you.

Him: Alright bro Shoot

Me: I think the Gal I got out is a HOE, You Her PIMP & The mother is an X-Hoe trying to live off dat HOE!

Him: LOL well that’s a little harsh, lets just say I'm in the "Satisfaction Business"

Me: Whatever Bro.

Him: But I like your style so you have my word as a businessman that she will be at court.

Me: As long as I got your word we good.

Him: Alright playa

Me: Aliright Pimp LOL hey just so you know that LOUD ASS YELLOW SUIT gave you away…Its 2013 bro stop dressing like you In the 70's!

About The Author

C-Wiz is a Bondsman & Co-Owner of Bail U Out Bonding Located @ 306 Gay St. Suite G-2. All stories are Real Life Experiences only the names have been changed.

Feel free to email comments  about #bondlife 2 datbondlife@yahoo.com or follow me on twitter @wizzybaby or Instagram wizzybaby or www.bondlife.net & feel free to give me a call 615-745-9491 or 615-254-9555